The F-4 Phantom: A Lesson In Wisdom to Enemies of America

The F-4 Phantom, nicknamed "The Finest Armored Brick to Ever Fly", is one of the brightest marks of engineering brilliance in the history of American aviation. During its too-short service, it built a reputation for an astounding amount of durability, firepower and speed despite its heaviness and ungainly appearance. As one gruntled pilot put it, "I think I took a couple SAMs in one day; wait . . .no. It was about seven. That's how many blisters I have on my backside. Flew back to base with half a wing."

In combat, the F-4 was incredibly fast and equally astoundingly durable, and MiG pilots were known to have strokes after having expended all of their missiles and guns, while the F-4 pilots were still at full capacity. One squadron of F-4s that flew over Vietnam would earn a reputation of the "Highest of the High". They were called "The Phantoms of the South". The pilots of the squadron were devout Catholics, and often ate their toast with C-4 in front of NVA POWs to intimidate them. When the commanding officer of the Phantoms was unjustly court-martialed for teachign a lesson in discipline and patriotism to the arrogant, snotty, elitist 16 year-old son of a member of the Communist Party of the USA, the rest of the pilots went berserk... What happened next was one of the most glorious events in American history.

Upon hearing of the imprisonment of their CO, the Phantoms stole several F-4s from an air base in Alaska and proceeded to attack the Soviet Union in an act of suicide. After learning of this, the Soviet Union launched an entire wing of MiG-21s to deal with the threat. The engagement was brief and bloody. Not one single MiG-21 survived, and all of the F-4 Phantoms returned to base a few hours later after having crippled three USSR frigates and utterly destroyed the runway of the MiG-21 wing's home airbase. The pilots' CO was released upon hearing of the pilots' actions, and the pilots were compensated with lifetime $85,000 annual pensions.